Last week we went shopping! Before setting off we counted socks, unearthed a few packets of well beyond their best-before, dehydrated meal-mix from long distant camping trips and the ingenious Russian-doll style paraffin stove and decided that most of these were not going on our Cotswolds adventure with us. But I did find my gaiters! I'd forgotten I even had these and mercifully - unlike most things you find in the back of a cupboard after 10 years - they still fit! It seems my calves and ankles have escaped what most other bits have suffered in the same decade so they moved to the 'yes' pile. Their existance did, however, cement in our minds that the weather, in the UK, in October, was more than likely to be wet, at least at SOME stage. What we needed was waterproofs! Our existing shower-proof outerwear was going to have to be replaced, or at the very least supplemented, by some serious gear. In fact 'serious' pretty much sums up that shopping trip. We stood in the store choosing between dark blue or black, wondering who in their right minds would want to wear trousers that alert your presence to every man and beast with each rustling step and thwart the intended objective of keeping clothes DRY by making you so hot that the simple act of walking, effectively inside a plastic bag, has the complete opposite result. Nevertheless we succumed to the advice of the experts and paid up. I can't remember many occasions when I've left a shop feeling more than sightly depressed, having spent a small fortune on items that I hoped I'd never have to wear!
At this stage I should perhaps suggest that those with a sensitive disposition log off since I need to share some advice with the 'desperate' few (yes, I chose my words carefully there) following another spot of shopping earlier in the week. A matter of mild irritation when out walking, the absence of frequent and accessible 'facilities' had been troubling me with our imminent departure on 'holiday' looming. Niggled as I was by how unfair it always seemed I was determined to address the problem head on. Why is it that the chaps always seem to manage to hang back for a step or two, exchange a few words with a tree or a hedge and re-join the group without so much as a rustle before we, the girls, have even noticed their absence. Yet when it's our turn, no such luck. First we have to play hunt the thicket, then ensure it's not of the prickly kind, announce that we'd like some privacy lest the menfolk think we've been snatched by aliens having been gone so long and shed half one's wardrobe in order to find relief. I was having none of this every day for 8 days. I discovered the Shee-Wee! So having decided on the more discreet form of shopping for this particular item I ordered it via t'interweb. It arrived in it's bright pink case just over a week ago. Ah ha! One up for equality, I thought, until the time came to study the thing properley. The packaging suggested practising in the shower. Strange!? Surely the whole point was that this simple device was intended to assist with the call of nature WHEN FULLY DRESSED. I couldn't see the point in practising in the altogether, and besides how difficult could it be? It's not as if this activity was one to which I was unaccustomed. Not so. I can't describe the trial run - I'd be blacklisted - but let's say it was surreal and not a little hilarious. My husband was alerted to 'something funny going on' when I returned from a 'comfort break' flushed and with the giggles. When I explained that I'd been 'having a trial run' his first comment was "Where? In the garden?" Whatever does he take me for? Naturally I'd been replicating what I taught my son some 18 years earlier, in the bathroom, with the door shut but let me tell you, I now understand hubby's reference to that fiend, Sheik Y'Dripsoff, who threathened always to embarras little boys and I can firmly assure one and all that a certain piece of pink plastic will not be making the packing cut. We live and learn...
And as if to add insult to injury, have you now seen the forecast? Must dash - I'm off to buy sunscreen.
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